Naughty little girl @ next door…

This incident happened during my college days. Whenever there is a strike, I never used to hangout inside the college campus, main reason - there are no girls in our batch. I spend my time in the college on a strike day only when our college team has got any match or there is any net practice. Else I always used to go home as soon as possible so that I can watch any cricket matches or movies. Also whenever there is a cricket match in the TV, I used to bunk the classes and go home. I would be all alone as both my mom and dad would be @ office.

At my neighborhood, I have 2 friends - Sohan and Sojan, We all used to be there @ my house if there is any India’s match. They have got a younger sister called Sona, she was just 4-5 years of old that time. So both Sohan and sojan used to come straight to my house from their school. So Sona also used to come to my house to call her brothers when the snacks are ready for them at their house.

One day, as usual I was at home watching the India – Australia match. But Sohan and Sojan did not come to my house as they had school level football tournament in the school ground. So I was watching the match all alone. I have got a habit of surfing channels at the advertisements and breaks during the cricket match. I do it especially to check out if there any new songs being played in the music channels (Please trust me!). So while surfing the channel during a drinks break, I got stuck with the FTV channel, where some new hot models were doing the cat walk. Naturally being a teenager, my eyes struck at the TV for a while (quite obvious)! But I never knew that at that same time, Sona was peeping through the door’s key hole, looking for her brothers. I realized it when I heard a shouting which sounds similar to this “ Aaha.. This is what you are watching here, huh??” before I could react or say something, she had already gone back to her house… I got so tensed... I thought she would have told this to her mom… I was feeling like, How would I be going to their house here after, what would have aunty thought about me.. chee.. chee… But surprisingly it did not happen. When her brothers came from school I had done an investigation (without directly asking them about this incident) - I asked them to go home and come back, and then I asked them like “Did aunty or soan say something? They said no… and asked me, Why what happened… I said, “They were just looking for you…” and they got convinced… ( I was so proud of my intelligence!). My assumption was, had she told this matter to aunty, definitely aunty would have asked Sohan and Sojan about that… So far so good! So I felt, though she is just a kid, she is sensible and understanding…

The very next day, it’s a Saturday morning, my dad was watering the plants as usual and I was just reading the news paper sitting in the car porch and my mom was just sitting at the sit-out talking to both of us. Then I saw Sona’s small, tomato sized head popping up from the other side of the fence. She got a really crooked smile on her face... As usual she started the chitchat with my dad, but she was looking at me at regular intervals. Whenever she looked at me, she kept laughing. Seeing this, my dad asked her the matter… I sensed the danger… I felt a kind of jactitation throughout my body. So I thought of leaving the area before things going out of control… But as soon as I started moving, she asked me loud “ Jithuetta (Jithu Bhayya), Shall I tell???” though I knew that I am going to get finished, I replied her asking - with a innocent look, without showing any emotions, “What dear?” Without any respect to my age, she said, “The thing which you watch ALWAYS after coming from the college…!” The next question was by my dad… What is that???
I tried to interrupt her from answering by talking about the cricket match, but that crooked stupid girl said – “No uncle, Jithuettan is lying!” Then my mom also came into spot asking -“then what is the matter??” I could see my dad, mom, sister; some neighbors, 2-3 friends @ neighborhood and Sona’s mom, all are looking at her curiously for a response from her…
I could not wait there till her reply, I rushed inside my house.. and while going, I could hear her shouting loud to everyone – “Jithuettan is always watching girls in the Fashion TV channel after coming from the college! And followed by a loud Corus laughter behind me!

It took 2 months and a lot of efforts to take everyone out of this FTV thing!!! But that stupid lil crooked little girl was still running all around our colony with wide smile on her face!!! She still has got that weired smile on her face even after these may years, whenever she sees me!!

:) I smile, though inside me it’s still bleeding…:(

Enough of my jokes... Lets have a break for stupidity.. Let's get serious this time... It's all about My life.. And if you find any similarities in this story, its not fictitious but purposefully said. :) I am sure that all of you would have had gone through any of these below stated mental states or feelings in your past or current life..because as you all know, Life is that beautiful.

Yea, life indeed is beautiful or rather mysterious. I have been very ambitious through out my life... But whatever emotional state we are in right now, need not be the same in the next second, and may be this uncertainty makes life more beautiful. I myself had lots of experience in life, where I got excited about a lot of things, thinking - I got what I really wanted in life. But soon after or later, I realized that I am not yet done with that and in the end I ended up in losing everything. Over the years I learnt to believe that, we are not done until unless we believe there is no further living. Let it be anything - no mater whether its friends, job, girlfriend or anything else, it’s all for that moment. As long as we have something, we can say we have, but there is no guarantee about how long we are going to have these in life.

As I talk about friends, I have been a miser when selecting good friends. Though I have lots of friends all around, I look for so many things before selecting my good friends. May be a little bit too weird but I live my life in that way. There been a very few with whom my bandwidth matches or I could go along with. I got a few of them in my life. I took my time to find them and when I found them I felt like, I will never lose them. But life is very funny; it keeps playing its game with us.

There is one of my best friends with whom I had shared all my feelings and now if I need know his news I will have to check with my other friends. At some point of time, I felt he is another extension of my own life. He was more than a younger brother to me. Those were the best moments where I really enjoyed my life in Bangalore. We had very good chemistry between us. I felt very happy and thought I got my friend of lifetime, but now at present he is far away beyond the reach of my mind and body. though it took me 3-4 years to get closer to him, it didn’t take much to go things up side down for the 8 years long friendship. Months back when we were together, I felt we are best friends for ever, but at present, No contact no news, nothing. So that’s life. Gives us a feeling that we are in heaven and in the next moment, it gives the pain which we will feel through out our life. That’s LIFE.

I strongly believe that when we expect too much in life, we lose terribly. As well quoted by Chanakhya, There is always a personal interest in each and every relationship, though many of us deny that. I love my dear ones not expecting anything other than love. For me when we care and love someone sincerely, I expect the same amount of care and love back from them too. Yes, I agree I have been very possessive about my loved ones but that is how life is defined. When we love someone and care for them deep from inside, it hurts double when we don’t get it back. Yea, it is true that each individual is different from one another. But at times I forget this fact, or rather act like I don’t realize it and expect so much. There I forgot the lesson that all are not the same when it comes to expressing their affection and love, though they love us may be more than we do. Most of the times it hurts me a lot, and I cry at times (You might be wondering thinking what a nut case I am, But I am a bit emotional) and it reflects in my every acts. I don’t know why I am like this, but I am like this… I am JITHU… And those who really understand me (they are very less in numberJ), sense it very quickly when there is something wrong.

But trust me, whatever we say; when we love someone and it’s not getting paid, there could be nothing else which is more painful than this. When I say paid, it is not measured in quantity but in quality. As far as in my case when I face such situation, I cry a lot inside my heart…I feel like my inside is bleeding… But I have no complaints… I still smile... because over the past many years I learnt to smile even though inside me is crying.

My life is a big mess now! Kind of heart broken… But learning to get to the reality and new era or living where there is no much place for emotions and sentiments. I have lost so much in the past, and I am still losing, but I still smile though inside me it’s still bleeding… Yea life is moving and so am I.. I don't know where will it end up, but one thing for sure, let anything happen, there would be a smile on my face all the time :)

Merry Xmas!

Jithuuu…Get up…I could hear my mom shouting from kitchen… Its Christmas time… Clock showed 10.30 AM, but I am on my bed, still sleeping. Last day almost spend 3 hours in the late night nearby the club with my friends... Still, I am thinking about my friend’s classmate Anu, who asks about me every time she meets him. Hmm interesting... Or is he playing prank? No, he was very serious when he told me and by the way why should he lie? After all I am young, single and available, and she might be impressed - I tried to convince myself. But still I could not get her outlook in my mind – did I see her already? Is she tall? Is she beautiful? Is she sexy? Etc... Finally I got up from the bed and quickly got ready for breakfast, because the smell of mom’s special chatney and sambar was too tempting!Hmm… finished the breakfast in a hurry and rushed to my friend Rahul’s house, usually he is a funny character… though I told him I don’t trust him, I thought I would ask him the details, because it’s not a simple thing to let go like that… I asked him for her address and phone number... But this time he was very serious (or pretending to be?) - He said I should not spoil his image in front of her because of my stupidity!! How dare he say so...? Bloody jerk! Stupid! Me? How mean? Hmm I controlled my anger because he is my customer this timeL. He said that she will be calling me on 23rd and might ask for a meeting on Xmas day near the church... Oh My God... is she a Christian then, I asked him... Then he shouted like anything all of a sudden talking about value of true love and being passionate and all... I got shocked for a while, because I never seen him getting so emotional like this! Hmm finally even I felt like, we should not love someone considering caste and religion... It should be spontaneous... Mind to mind... Love @ first sight! Wow... I myself felt very much diplomatic!! For the first time in my life (May be the last time) I felt respect towards my friend!). Ok fine I agree, I don’t mind if she is a Christian, after all she is a human that’s enough for me, I told him... He said “hmm wonderful... Now you speak like my friend” – I didn’t understand what he meant by that... But one thing for sure, he wanted me to behave that manner. But still, I couldn’t stop myself asking him that question – is she good looking??? For that he didn’t give me any answer instead he glared at me like an angry bull! Oh man that was really scary. For me that signal was more than enough than an answer… I realized one more lesson – Love is always blind... We should not think about the external beauty. Instead we should see the inner beauty of that person who had a beautiful mind to love!! Wow great!!December – 23rd - I was waiting since morning for her call… even my friends where there with me playing cards but all my concentration was on my mobile… I wished if my friends go for lunch and then I get her call that would be fine, because my friends are really idiots they make hell lots of noise and I might get tensed. And I don’t wanna make my first impression a really bad one! Hmm luckily they all went for lunch at 12. in my room only me and my cell phone! Bingo! At 12.30 there goes my mobile ringing!! As I expected an unknown local number! I took the call with shaking hands...
- “Hello…” - I said. No response. I said again - hello!!
- “Hi Jithu…This is Anu” What a sweet voice, I said in my mind!
- Ohh Rahul told me, that you would be calling me! – I said.
- Yea… he is my classmate. So how are you? – She asked.
- I am Fine!! I am fine!! – I was literally shouting! I felt so proud that I got a friend like rahul!!
- I wanna tell you something, shall we meet on this Xmas night near the church gate? I will be waiting at 12.30 after the prayers – she asked.
- Ohh, why not!! Why not.. But why do you wanna see me?? I asked.
- Answer was a laugh followed by this statement, “Ohh that’s a secret!”
– I asked – have you ever seen me before?
- Yea, I have seen you so many times with Rahul, but somehow could not get the courage to walk up to you and talk. But now I feel like talking to you and meeting you. Do you mind…? She stopped!
- Hey, I don’t mind at all, No problem… I will be there! Was I screaming while saying that?
- Ok then see u on Xmas night! Get me my Xmas cake also –she hung up by saying this!
Yaaahoo!! So I am going to meet her!! Anu!! Doesn’t matter whether she is a Christian or Muslim! She loves me, that’s it!! “JITHU I LOVE YOU” that’s what she is going to say when she meets me- I am very good at women’s psychology! But Am I that too attractive??? – I thought for a while. At around 2PM my friends came back and asked whether I got her call or not? I said whose call? No calls for the last 2 days, get over it guys - why to involve them and get things screwed up? I thought.
On Xmas eve, I bought an almond flavored cream cake (Rupees 350/- L so what, it’s for the girl who loves be blindly right). When my friends called me for the Xmas carol, I told them that I have severe back pain so that I can’t join them: D – See how smart I am! They will go for the carol and will be coming back by around 11.30 and then they would go to the church and there was no chance for them to come anywhere near to the church gate! I went there wearing my new jeans and white shirt, and with that big Almond flavored Cream cake, at around 12.30 I could see someone is coming through the shadows towards the church gate, ohh she is coming, my legs started shivering.. and turned the other side so that I need not have to face her. After 2-3 minutes, somebody, called me from behind, I turned back with lots of expectations… “Hi Annnnn..” I couldn’t complete that because instead of ANU, it’s my X-schoolmate Joseph- who was the mimicry champion in my school. So many things flashed very in my brain – Unusual seriousness of my friend Rahul, gathering of all my crooked friends, Unknown girl named Anu. Things got pretty clear for me! I knew that things goner out of my control, my brain said, RUN JITHU RUN… But before those signals reached my leg muscles, I heard a loud Corus screaming behind me and all of a sudden all my friends, the entire Carol team jumped over me from nowhere in the darkness and taken off my rupees 350/- worth Almond flavored Cream cake!! I never been embarrassed like this ever before in my life, while running back home, I could hear my friends screaming “Jithu Merry Xmas!!”Next day, those @!#$@#$@#$#@ took a piece of cake to my house and gave to me – they all had a wicked smile on their $@#$@#$ faces, I could not say anything because my parents were there and when my dad asked them, why only for Jithu? They replied it is because of Jithu’s sincere hard work got them this Cake!! They wished me and my parents and left. While eating the cake I looked at them and said myself – Merry X’mas!

BLOODY IF I COULD GO BACK TO THE PAST!!!!

Hello Friends, this incident happened a long time ago. this is about a guy who did not know what was happening around him at that time. If you read it from the present time about his school life, you are not going to believe it to be the same person whom you know today. Shy?? Reserved? No way! But back then he was a very shy person in the school when it comes to girls… He was a very innocent looking and chubby, always had a pleasant smile on his face… He was in the good books of all the teachers in that school… He never thought about love and girlfriends in his life until he got into the 10th standard…

That's when the real story began. At that time, he used to take oath during the school assemblies. So, he always get to stand on the stage during the assembly. He got these friends who always wanted to have some fun in school life and they decided to take on him this time as he appeared to be a prefect victim for them to spice up the final year of their schooling days. So, the weapon of choice was one of the beautiful girls in our school from the Sanskrit class, who is also a very good singer and dancer. To make their job easier, she also used to be on the stage during school assemblies to recite the prayer. So, his friends started spreading a rumour (within their circle) that they both are sharing a secret love. When he heard of this from his friends, he was a bit panicked as he did not know what to do or how to react - this came as a surprise to him (may be rather he was wondering how come these idiots found out what he secretly kept inside his since year 6). However, once this has gone out of his mind to his friends, he got afraid to even go near the places where she is present. It wasn't just the friends circle at his school that this news (rather fake news for them) spread but outside school as well – at his cricket club, playground etc. But that girl was not aware of this rumour as it spread among the boys only. There were many development phases to the story since it first started and so many sub-stories added up as the time passed by.

During mid of 10th standard, his parents asked him if he would like to attend any tuition, so he went to the tuition where his friends from his area are going. But one week after he joined the tuition, to his friend's surprise and his shock, the same girl also joined the tuition with her best friend (However, his friends this time thought maybe there is something going on between the two and this could be a smoothly executed master plan to see each other outside of school by both. This incident really sent out shockwaves among his friends. According to them, it’s practically impossible for her to join this same tuition without any special interest as he was staying very far from the tuition centre. There were many brainstorming sessions happened during our lunch and drill times among my friends. Some of his friends were so innocent that they even built up their own stories like, they both used to play with their legs during the class, and caught helping each other during the test and on and on. I must say that his friends were good at pulling his legs!

Meanwhile, due these stories build up by his friends and the other coincidences, his mind was totally confused. He used to ask himself, is there a real connection here? Does she really love him?? Is that why she joined the same tuition centre which is very far away from her house? In his mind, he was admiring her since the first day he met her (since 6th standard or so) and he was not sure if that is what everyone calls Love. He never got any answers to these questions… But whenever he goes to school or tuition, his eyes were always searching for her… He realized that feelings he had for her in his mind has slowly started to think he is in love with her… Yes he was convinced that he is in love with her. but he kept it to himself as always. He always stayed away from her sight so that he would not panic. He always denied about his feelings for her to his friends. But inside his mind, he was really enjoying the rumours about his affair with that girl. He knew that for the first time in his life, he is falling in love… The kind of feeling the whole people in the world understands about falling in love for the first time.

To add fuel to the fire, her elder brother has shared a good friendship with him and they used to travel together outstation for cricket tournaments. Again, his friends started another rumour that this is already known to the families. However, the truth was, he was a very good cricketer (later played for the district and college teams) and her brother being a good player himself, was very much fond of his skills and wanted him in his team always. But whenever the friends asked him about it, he deliberately avoided answering that question and just passed a smile at his friends, as he was enjoying every bit of those stories that links him to her. This time his friends got into a confusing stage – are these rumours real? :D Things had taken a U turn here. And the rumours turned out to be breaking news…

No one knew how fast the days gone past until the last day at school before the public exams came knocking at the door. It was the era of scrapbooks and everyone was busy getting their scrapbook signed. He also bought a scrapbook (jut for her) and was waiting for an opportunity to get her to write something on it. However, knowing that fact that they did not have any real love happening between them, he was nervous to approach her and ask for her autograph. He worried that she may already know about the rumours and maybe she is going to react when she finally gets to see me! At the end, he decided to ask one of his friends to pass his scrapbook to her stating that they did not want to take their relationship in to public and it worked. Finally, the most awaited day has come when his scrapbook came back to him with her comments which read like this “ Kuch Paane Ke liye Kuch Khona padtha hein ”(In Hindi). Again, as expected, one of his friends got a genuine doubt, does this really sound romantic?? But again, he managed to explain to them saying, “See it means our current situation - to maintain a good clear image in public, we both had to sacrifice and hide our romantic life from public and that’s pure love”. 

Years passed, he completed his Pre degree in a different college (again, he did try to search for her details but at that time there were no mobile phones or internet so it was hard for him to find out such details secretly) and then went outstation for higher studies. During that time, he did not think about her that often as it was always been a one-sided love story for him. However, on a rainy night, out of nowhere, the thoughts about his first crush came into his mind which brought in all the font memories of his secret love life from the past… With the energy inherited from a recently watched love story, he now got this new dream of fighting for his love and decided to send a letter to her revealing his feelings towards her. But then her brother’s picture came into his mind that forced to drop that idea (didn't want to become that filmy hero who gets killed by his lover's brother) and that was the end of his short-lived fight for his love of his life. 

Later on, during a vacation time, back in his hometown he accidentally met this Sanskrit teacher (who was also a good friend of his dad) at the bus stop. The formal greetings were exchanged and they both talked for a while. Then to his ultimate shock, the teacher said to him that he is going to attend a wedding of one of his old students. Without showing his curiosity he asked the teacher about that student, and he got to know that heartbreaking news that it was his first crush, the love of his life he thought who was getting married that day. He got literally shattered inside his heart and he shared this news with his close friends. They took him for a movie to change his mindset but he remained lost. On their way back however one of them asked him - “Dude you could have told her about your feelings at least before giving up on hope as we still feel that she also had some feelings for you”. Though he very well knew that girl whom he admired to the core and wanted to love for the rest of his life like no one ever would have, did not have any feelings in return as they never had any chance to talk or interact to make her feel that way. All this while nothing was going in his mind but his first crush’s wedding. That day he did not sleep - He cried a lot at that night. All he could hear in his ears was “You could have at least told her”. Years after whenever he used to think about her, he really wished if he could go back to the past, just to let her know about his feelings… Just to let her know how much he admired and loved her. for that matter even now, the respect and admiration for that girl whom he could never talk or reveal his feelings is still his first love and the love of his life... He murmured, BLOODY, IF I COULD GO BACK TO THE PAST!!!!

Present tense of this story – 22+ years after the school time

He found her on an online social network and became friends. He somehow managed to tell this story to her and as he expected, she got surprised to hear that. But he promised her that it was just a crush (well, not really for him) – A stupid crush (from her point of view, off course). Now they chat occasionally and are good friends now (though not that close). SHE is married and leading a happy life with her hubby and two little champions kids. He is married and settled abroad. SHE is in her pursuit of her passion in dancing. HE, on the other hand, believes true love is not about marrying the one you love, but being with the one whom you love to see them happy in rest of your life. HE still cherishes each of those tiny moments of the friendship that he gets to share with her to keep wondering that how amazing and admirable this girl was then and there is no change in her charisma after these many years...

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