:) I smile, though inside me it’s still bleeding…:(

Enough of my jokes... Lets have a break for stupidity.. Let's get serious this time... It's all about My life.. And if you find any similarities in this story, its not fictitious but purposefully said. :) I am sure that all of you would have had gone through any of these below stated mental states or feelings in your past or current life..because as you all know, Life is that beautiful.

Yea, life indeed is beautiful or rather mysterious. I have been very ambitious through out my life... But whatever emotional state we are in right now, need not be the same in the next second, and may be this uncertainty makes life more beautiful. I myself had lots of experience in life, where I got excited about a lot of things, thinking - I got what I really wanted in life. But soon after or later, I realized that I am not yet done with that and in the end I ended up in losing everything. Over the years I learnt to believe that, we are not done until unless we believe there is no further living. Let it be anything - no mater whether its friends, job, girlfriend or anything else, it’s all for that moment. As long as we have something, we can say we have, but there is no guarantee about how long we are going to have these in life.

As I talk about friends, I have been a miser when selecting good friends. Though I have lots of friends all around, I look for so many things before selecting my good friends. May be a little bit too weird but I live my life in that way. There been a very few with whom my bandwidth matches or I could go along with. I got a few of them in my life. I took my time to find them and when I found them I felt like, I will never lose them. But life is very funny; it keeps playing its game with us.

There is one of my best friends with whom I had shared all my feelings and now if I need know his news I will have to check with my other friends. At some point of time, I felt he is another extension of my own life. He was more than a younger brother to me. Those were the best moments where I really enjoyed my life in Bangalore. We had very good chemistry between us. I felt very happy and thought I got my friend of lifetime, but now at present he is far away beyond the reach of my mind and body. though it took me 3-4 years to get closer to him, it didn’t take much to go things up side down for the 8 years long friendship. Months back when we were together, I felt we are best friends for ever, but at present, No contact no news, nothing. So that’s life. Gives us a feeling that we are in heaven and in the next moment, it gives the pain which we will feel through out our life. That’s LIFE.

I strongly believe that when we expect too much in life, we lose terribly. As well quoted by Chanakhya, There is always a personal interest in each and every relationship, though many of us deny that. I love my dear ones not expecting anything other than love. For me when we care and love someone sincerely, I expect the same amount of care and love back from them too. Yes, I agree I have been very possessive about my loved ones but that is how life is defined. When we love someone and care for them deep from inside, it hurts double when we don’t get it back. Yea, it is true that each individual is different from one another. But at times I forget this fact, or rather act like I don’t realize it and expect so much. There I forgot the lesson that all are not the same when it comes to expressing their affection and love, though they love us may be more than we do. Most of the times it hurts me a lot, and I cry at times (You might be wondering thinking what a nut case I am, But I am a bit emotional) and it reflects in my every acts. I don’t know why I am like this, but I am like this… I am JITHU… And those who really understand me (they are very less in numberJ), sense it very quickly when there is something wrong.

But trust me, whatever we say; when we love someone and it’s not getting paid, there could be nothing else which is more painful than this. When I say paid, it is not measured in quantity but in quality. As far as in my case when I face such situation, I cry a lot inside my heart…I feel like my inside is bleeding… But I have no complaints… I still smile... because over the past many years I learnt to smile even though inside me is crying.

My life is a big mess now! Kind of heart broken… But learning to get to the reality and new era or living where there is no much place for emotions and sentiments. I have lost so much in the past, and I am still losing, but I still smile though inside me it’s still bleeding… Yea life is moving and so am I.. I don't know where will it end up, but one thing for sure, let anything happen, there would be a smile on my face all the time :)